First of all, let me welcome you with open loving arms and radiant, abundant energy. I am honored you would take the time to read my ramblings. I am hopeful this blog will open up some new energies in my life and allow me to share with others in a way that is helpful, humorous and beneficial to all who visit.
I have toyed with the idea of writing a blog for sometime and something seemed always to get in the way. Things like Facebook. Through meditation and contemplation I began to realize that for me, Facebook creates an illusion; the illusion that I am participating in life more fully than I actually am.
Now if you know me, you know I have been a longtime and frequent user of The Book. Late into the evening I have found myself lost in the rabbit hole of your cousin’s wife’s best friend’s daughter’s college graduation photos wondering why she chose that color for a dress and thinking her boyfriend is cute. I have spent hours and hours speaking my variety of truths, arguing with boneheads over politics, unfollowing, de-friending, RE-friending, and stalking your news feeds, likes and vacation photos like there was some kind of test. I know how you decorate ( or don’t), I know about your relationships ( I’m sorry), and about your vacations, your expensive new purchases, the raise you just got, and how many houses you’ve sold. I know you like Joel Osteen AND Guns and Roses AND Rosie O’Donnell ( it makes my head hurt). I know when it’s raining or snowing, or hot or cold in every region of the country at any given time of the day or night. I know when your flight has been delayed, how mad or not you are about it, what you are doing in the airport and how much you paid for that chicken wrap, (“CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE PRICES??”- Yes we can- most of us have been in an airport).). I know who the people are who passive-aggressively post indirect comments directly at one person. I know the people who ‘Vaguebook” in order to garner attention.( “Sure could use a hug right now” makes all of us roll our eyes by the way.) I sure as shit know who is a Republican and who is a Democrat and the people who are so disgusted (and short-sighted) that they “just aren’t going to vote”. Cry me a river.
And while I sit here way up high on my judgmental pedestal, pointing the long stink-finger of shame at you, there are 3 stink-fingers pointing back at me. And they STINK. Bad.
I am guilty. Guilty of feeling like I need the attention from the number of likes a post gets. Guilty of posting indirect comments at one person because I don’t really want to commit to that particular friendship. I am guilty ( and responsible) for losing sleep because of the hate, anger, blatant and indirect racism, wondering how we all got here and why we feel the need to tell everyone about it. I am guilty of allowing myself to spend energy contemplating or raging( depending on whether our not I’ve eaten), how you can’t understand your white privilege. I am guilty of sinking to lower levels than my values endorse and wallowing around in the muck and feeling a sick sense of satisfaction about it it. I am guilty of propagating and facilitating negativity into the world. I have vacillated between feeling a part of the community and feeling so far out of touch that it seems I’m on another planet. I have fallen prey to the illusion that this world of Facebook is the real world and I simply don’t fit in. I have woken up with Facebook hangovers not sure what I even got into the night before. And for what? Has any of this accomplished anything? Is there ANYTHING to show for it other than contempt for the world? I mean I have had some really good laughs and I have some really funny “friends” so there is that. But is that enough? Is that a large enough payoff for the time and energy suck?
Not to mention the emotional toil that I tend to experience. Too sensitive? Yup- sue me.
What I came to realize is that my mind and my energy field had observed false evidence that appears real, (FEAR). I began to realize that I spend time and energy thinking about people who I have honestly never even met nor care to; interesting people, definitely but not people I would invite into my home. I have created in my mind this false sense of community and friendships with people who most likely I will never, ever see. I began to understand I may wake up at the age of 75 and realize that life was happening all around me and it wasn’t on Facebook.
I started asking myself, why am a putting off experiencing what is right in front of me for a false world that is a representation of life and not life itself. Sure, I have over a thousand Facebook “friends” but when the chips are down or even if I just want to invite a friend for coffee my options are startling low. So I asked myself:
“I wonder what would happen if I closed the door to Facebook for a while to open up an opportunity to develop real connections with real people on a heart level.”
I wonder what I could accomplish and really contribute to the world if I wasn’t blearily spending hours and hours on Facebook….or “Fakebook”.
It has been 8 days since I went on the FB wagon and there have been some challenges. Most notably the desire to “just take a peek” to see what bullshit ya’ll are up to. I am aware enough to know that for me there is never “just one” of anything. Fortunately my husband and best friend are still in the trenches so I’m being kept abreast of any dumbass move y’all make.( giggle). It’s Saturday morning and I was REALLY tempted to go on but I whipped out this blog post instead and then I’m going to take the dogs for a walk, and meditate for 30 minutes. After that I will spend sometime cleaning my house and tinkering in my beautiful yard.
My life is rich and full of wonder and I would be a fool not to stay mindful, alert and aware of the beauty and opportunities that are right in front of me.
Will I go back on? Probably…I mean I’m not a monk. But I like the idea of opening space in my life. This blog is a way for me to seek and share about my journey to continue to improve myself and my quality of life in my recovery and in my spiritual practice.
Oh – and there are chickens.